As we approach week five of my adventure I think I’ve discovered my most important lesson yet…
Happy. It’s such a simple yet powerful word.
Is this real? Have I actually managed to reach a state of self-contentment and happiness?
Why ladies and gentleman of the internet I do believe I have!
I came to Bali a quivering wreck.
Let’s be honest, as excited as I was for the adventure there was a part of me that thought I was making the biggest mistake of my life.
I was riddled with
fear! What if I can’t afford to live? What if I don’t I fit in? What if I don’t make friends? What if no one wants to hire me? What if people think I’m worthless? What if I fail? What if I have to leave?
Life and it’s metric ton of bullshit had somewhat crippled me and my confidence, can you tell? I mean seriously years of feeling like a platter of poop with just a sprinkling of merriment gets damn EXHAUSTING!!
Case and point below is a journal entry from 7 months ago. I share it with you because it’s what has inspired this post.
I can safely say that is a part of me that does not exist in Bali! Thank Merlin and his spotty knickers!
I wrote the below journal entry this afternoon. I swear to Dumbledore himself that I did not peak at the one from March until after I’d finished this one.
I mean COME ON! How bloody amazing is that?!
I no longer fear ‘the fear’, I embrace it and manifest it into something that appeals much more to me.
Now I don’t mean faith in God or a divine spirit. I mean faith in myself.
A faith in myself that I can go fourth and conquer even that which scares me.
Bali has taught me that it’s ok:
To ask and receive.
To be in a state of yes.
To trust your instincts.
To be on your own.
I’ve encountered some pretty nifty souls since being here but there are two in-particular that have helped me along the way. Whether they’re aware of it or not who knows.
The first has been there from the start of this adventure. Next to my own mother I have never met a more incredible, inspirational and influential women in my life. She is someone I aspire to be like and feel I could never show enough gratitude for the support she’s given me since I was a little girl.
The other is someone I met just recently. An adventurous being who’s outlook on life made me re-think mine. They showed me I don’t have to be scared of little things and that I need to make the most of everyday I’m here. There is something about meeting a person who’s company you so enjoy. Being at ease around new people SURPRISINGLY isn’t something that comes naturally to me. However, their wasn’t a single part of me that felt anxious the entire time we spent together, and that says a lot.
It doesn’t matter if I don’t have it all figured out.
I have so many options that I don’t even know about yet.
Why fear them?
I embrace them.
If this time round I don’t find work, that’s ok.
If I do end up leaving Bali at the end of the month, I haven’t failed.
I have lived.
I have made friends.
I have had amazing experiences.
THERE IS NOTHING STOPPING ME FROM COMING BACK!
I can go spend time with my brother in Norway, save some more pennies, spend four months in Austria gaining a TEFL qualification which will enable me teach English as a foreign language.
I can then come back to my delightful little island. Although who knows, the eleventh hour may strike and I get offered a position before my visa runs out.
I JUST DON’T KNOW AND THAT’S OK!!!!
My heart belongs here in Bali. So far it has brought me kindness and happiness. It will one day bring me success in my career.
Bali will become my home.
If not now then one day.