House of Horrors

3 and a bit weeks in and my biggest lesson of all?

I CANNOT HANDLE TRADITIONAL BALI OPEN PLAN LIVING

I’m still here.

I’m still loving it.

I’m still going with the flow.

HOWEVER…

The September 19th, 20th, 21st and 22nd were somewhat….testing to say the least!

Why so stressed Jessiny?

Well internet, let me tell you a little story.

A few weeks ago I discovered what appeared to be a quaint, adorable place to stay for 11 nights from September 19th. It’s described on the Air B&B listing as open plan living but focuses on the fact that all rooms are open to one another without walls or doors. Fine, privacy is so 2005 anyway! What was left out was the fact that this place had no wall seals or windows to protect you from the outside elements and…

…WILDLIFE!

Let’s share some excerpts from the listing shall we?…

‘Think of this as staying over at your friend’s place.’

Clearly we run in different circles  honey peach. 

‘You will share sunset-view bathroom, kitchen, living and dining spaces – all part of a spacious open plan home, just ten minutes from central Ubud.’

Type-o correction: You will share ‘A’ sunset-view bathroom

A local man got share a view too, my boobies and va-jayjay. Yep, no shower coverage apart from a dinky sarong.

#LovingLife

‘You sleep in a separate loft, containing only a “wide single” or cosy-for-two sized double bed, with a draped mosquito netting around it for privacy and a lovely view overlooking the palm trees towards the nearby temple.’

A mosquito net riddled with holes you mean? Mozzies don’t get to watch me while I sleep but they can sneak in? Cheers for the privacy bro.

‘Next door on one side is a virgin bamboo field with animals grazing and a dirt path to the temple, behind is a Balinese village, with all the sounds of local living.’

Barking dogs
A feral cat (that got in the house)
A 4hr long temple music stint
The scariest sounding lizard 
Chickens (who get in the house)
Roosters
Squealing pigs (probably being sacrificed) 
Things scuttling in the night

The list goes on, but you get the picture. HOW SERENE!

‘It is a comfortable one bedroom home, with all of the owner’s individual style and nick-nacks. Western-style living, tucked away in a traditional Balinese village and surrounded by lush tropical gardens.’

You make it sound so idyllic. More fool me. Love the fact that the compost bin is just left to fester in the kitchen attracting every Tom, Dick and…

…RAT!!!

‘The real treat is that you often hear the sound of traditional Balinese music/ instruments, from master musicians practising for performances in the nearby Balinese temple.’

4 HOURS OF THE SAME INCESSANT TUNE IS NOT A TREAT!

‘NEIGHBOURS: There’s more garden and field around you than people.’

Lies. Need I remind you of the shower show sam that saw me naked? REALLY EFFING safe as lone female staying in a rural village!

Let’s get one thing straight this is just a FEW of the many things that I experienced my first two nights in Ibu Jen’s ‘cosy’ home.  There were a lot of incidents I didn’t even document because I was telling myself, ‘get over it Jessiny, you’re in Bali girl. Embrace what scares you and power through’. The noisiness was unbearable but I dealt with it, the cleanliness of the house wasn’t ideal but I made it work. I didn’t complain, I endured. That is until night numero three.

Now below I will post 2 vids to give you a brief idea of just how…unbearable this experience was. However, neither video does the situation justice. I didn’t snapchat the entire ordeal, neither did I explain properly what exactly happened to me on night three., but you’ll get the jist of what I’m talking about fo sho!

Now, night three, let’s clarify what happened. I was falling asleep when I heard a scuttle along the roof rafters, I then felt something scuttle above the mozzie net OVER MY HEAD! I was half asleep but woke up pretty fast without really realising what had happened, sleepy confuzzlement and all. That’s when I snapped, said I’d heard something, freaked out and then realised what had happened.

A RAT RAN ACROSS MY HEAD!

A RAT

A FUCKING RAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

But Jessiny if you only ‘felt it’ how do you know it was a rat?

Well, because the little bugger was caught the next night in a trap. THAT was an ordeal too!!!

I was brushing my teeth, saw something scarper across the room, heard a noise and thought, “NUH UHHHH brain, stop playing tricks, I’m done with you.’ I went to investigate and low and behold there it was. The rat was in the trap.

My family have christened him Ronald so We’ll stick with that.

Ronald the Rat you were the straw that broke the camel’s back.

My bags were packed and I hauled ass out of there. Unfortunately Ibu Jen is a poopoo head and the minute I wanted a refund all replies ceased to exist. Thankfully I used Air BnB. Their customer protection is pretty on point so once they see my pics and vids and realise Ibu Jen’s home ain’t up to scratch I SHOULD get a full refund.

However, if I don’t I choose to not let it upset me. Now this is pretty hard for me to do, but I’m trying this new thing where I don’t let the fear of running out of money cripple me and hold me back. Stand by, I’ll let you know how that works out.

For now I’ll leave you with a picture of Ronald the rat, who no joke was bigger than my hand.

Until the next adventure internet. Stay snazzy.

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