Plenty of Bulls*$%

Once upon a time there was a girl that felt like giving up

After finishing my degree I tried my hardest to make it on my own up in London, but alas it did not go to plan. I instead spent the time getting over a rather nasty ending to a long term relationship and soon came to realise my only choice was to move down to Cornwall. So I packed up my little flat, grabbed my cats and hauled ass outta the big city.

Things happened, time passed. Naturally there comes a point where you feel it’s time to move on so I found myself thinking, ‘Right Jessiny, ’tis a brand spanking new chapter of your life let’s get back on that horse!’ Ahhhh…yes, about that. How does one get back on said horse when the only ones around had four legs and a mane? Not to mention I’m a 23 year old graduate that has had to move back in with her parents due the unfortunate turn of events that was my last romantic adventure. Line up lads this girl’s a catch!!

As the new year passed I realised it was virtually impossible to meet anyone if you’d not grown up down here. To the ladies I’m this loud, eccentric city bird ready to pray on their men, who might I add they’ve known since primary school. As for the lads well they don’t quite know what to make of me. I like to think they see me as some exotic creature, but in reality I’m just some colourful little weirdo to them. Which is totally fine, I relish in my weird eccentricities.

As one does in this day and age I turned to the internet. Oh how I’d come to regret this idea. Hind sight, you’re a treacherous little devil.

And so began my journey into the world of…

online dating

…and what a journey it has been let me tell you!!

At first it’s quite exciting. Wring your bio, choosing your pictures. Oooh a notification!! Someone has messaged me!!!



“dat ass doe”

“you good sexy?”

“So you like big things between your thighs hey? ;)”


And it didn’t stop there. However, before I get into that let me share with you what my Plenty Of Fish profile looked like.

Screenshot_2015-04-21-18-46-42  Screenshot_2015-04-21-18-46-57


I’m aware my bio isn’t to everyone’s taste but it was to mine. Me in a nutshell I believe. I thought blunt, straightforward and it should weed out all the pansies.

I didn’t think about the crazies.

I say crazies but they weren’t really. Who am I to judge a person by their sexual preferences?! No one. That said it doesn’t mean I want every Tom, Dick and Harry asking me:

If they can worship my feet

If I wanted to be ‘the hot young play thing’ at a 50+ swingers evening

If I would ever use a blow up doll

If I’d be the third person for a couples first threesome

I also had three different gentlemen offer to take care of me financially in return for certain…favours.

It’s not always perverted. You get the dull conversationalists that wouldn’t know an interesting topic to discuss even if a unicorn farted in their eyeball. You also get the one’s that are die hard chat up line users. My personal favourite:

“I have been on PoF for a while and have always felt I’ve been aimlessly wandering the isles of Aldi or Lidl. Until I found your profile that is. I come on here and feel I have stepped into Harrods”

There is always an exception to the rule though. You move off PoF and begin to whatsapp or text for a bit. Convo is flowing, you’re thinking ahhhh yeaaaaa I’m on to a winner then


the conversation just dies a death or the little swine turns out to have a girlfriend OR stands you up and fakes their own death.

The latter happened just this Friday gone in fact. Way to make a girl brim with self esteem!

Anyway this blog post is not to dwell on poo heads and the sexually adventurous. It’s to make a declaration to myself.

I feel this virtual world of dating is not for me and plan to delete my accounts. I will not let the above dent my confidence or make me feel any less fabulous than I am. I deserve more than all those men put together.

This doesn’t just apply to me though. All you lads and lasses truly deserve the best! Don’t let your past experiences with relationships taint your new adventures. Why settle for something less than amazing?!

It’s hard I know, but take it from the girl who found out her best friend of 7 years got it on with her boyfriend of nearly 3 years while she was fast asleep in the same bed as them. Take it from the girl who has been knocked down a 1001 times and got back up again. Take it from the girl who truly believes life is what we make it. We all have the strength inside us to focus on something. It is up to you whether you choose to use that focus for positive or negative reinforcement. Who knows you could come out with something that is truly extraordinary.

For me I needed this 4 months of fishing to get my head in the game. Stop looking, just be patient. There’s someone out there that can’t wait to have me. Who knows they may even have boobies! Wouldn’t THAT be an exciting new adventure!

You're telling me Tinder!! Be gone with you, I don't need your virtual dating dungeons anymore!

You’re telling me Tinder!! Be gone with you, I don’t need your virtual dating dungeons anymore!

Kisses from cornwall

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